Monday, August 10, 2009

Austin... Here I come......NOT!

So, theres been a STOP to Move Romi to Austin. Reasons: cash shortage... circumstances and MOM. She doesn't want me to leave yet. She NEEDS me she said. I'm sure everyone does. That's how life has been for me. One minute they need me and the next, I'm left to fend for myself. So heres the deal. If I don't get a regular job, I get to work with my brother to continue the Janitorial work... Get lots of money to pay the bills. Mine, the house, moms.. all that... and if only if theres any money left, then I get to save up and move sometime later this year. Now thats wonderful! I feel like walking at the end of the world and disappearing again. I wish I could just get up and leave but I can't. I don't have the money nor the heart. I can't leave at a time when I know my mom clearly needs my help. I can't be that SELFISH. I'm angry yes! VERY ANGRY! I kept telling her... mom secure your future. None of your kids will stay around to help you ALL your life. She never listened. Now, shes stuck. Or she thinks she is. These are her exact words: "I have way too many responsibilities to settle down." Really mom? Really? Last time I checked you had 4 grown kids that are very much capable of taking care of themselves... Now whats your problem? I just don't understand. Maybe I'm being stupid and bitter right now. Maybe leaving now isn't a great idea but I always wonder, GOD, why me? I hate it here! No jobs, no life. I can't even go out with my friends because I don't have the money for anything. I work and hand over the cash. The minute I speak up, hell breaks loose! I don't know what to do anymore! Seems like all the problems come in bundles!

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